Insomnia... or anger???

I guess I feel it is a good thing I am sitting up, watching the home channel at 4am.  

The reason I think this is because it means I have moved past the first stage in my healing process.  I went to sleep rather early on this Labor Day weekend Saturday night... after mosing around my parents house all day.

I however was awoken by a nightmare and found myself nothing but angry.

I am angry that he promised me he would love me forever. I am angry that he promised my dad the same thing. I am angry that when times got hard he ran away. I am angry that I know one huge component in my current situation is that he was jusy plain scared. I am angry that he didn't care enough to talk about it or try harder.  I am angry he let me be the way I was. I am angry I ever even had to feel the way I did, which made me act the way I did. I am angry that I KNOW this innocent girl is going to get hurt as well. I am angry that I have a mortgage for a house that isn't even the one I wanted. I am angry he could walk away from the wreck and leave me with the mortgage and all his bills. I am angry my dad was right, not about him but about the house.  I am angry I didn't listen. I am angry calling off the wedding and working on our relationship was never even an option.  I am angry I have made this so easy on him and he has done nothing but try to make it hard for me. I am angry he has said hurtful things to me for four months. I am angry I let him. I am angry he gave me back a phone and left me to delete the dirty messages and pictures of his new life. I am angry I still care. I am angry that my anger hurts people who actually give a shit about me.  I am angry I have to get up in three hours to go to work.  I am angry I am never his first thought. I am angry he **still** can find money to go out all the time but can't pay me back any money, not even the money I have given him after we broke up.  I am angry to think she was ever near my dog.  I am angry Dolce has to live in two places. I am angry my mom still asks if I talk to Adam, or if I think we can work it out.  I am angry his family hasn't slapped him in the face yet and asked him what the hell he is doing.  I am angry I don't have time to see my friends.  I am angry I am so tired but I cannot even close my eyes. I am just angry.