I guess I don't even know what I want anymore.

I thought it would make me feel so much better... being given an explanation, being told he is not in fact dating a girl, he doesn't even like her at all, he does accept responsibility for some of the situations we are now left in. I thought hearing him say "I love you too" would mend my broken heart.

It did, it did help. It did make me feel better. It did not however make me want to run back into his arms.. and thats how I know it's getting better. Maybe just because I know I can't. I think we both know we have lost true love... and neither of us seems to know how to get it back. But somehow it helps to know the love is still there. I don't know if we ever will... but for now it's ok. Look at Andy and Amber.

What I want more so than to love A is for him to love A. He gets these ideas in his head that he isn't progressing through life fast enough, or as fast as he should be. That he is unmotivated and lazy. That he isn't worth it sometimes and it's simply not true. I am the only person on this earth I believe who really knows Adam, besides his mom and dad. I tried for three years to get him to open up, and in lots of ways he did... in other ways I never even saw a glimpse. And that is fine, that is how some people are, that is the way they like it, and there is nothing wrong with being who you are... no matter if it is socially acceptable, ideal or anything.

Adam is an amazing person. I have seen his life to a total 180... I think his problem is he doesn't think it's far enough, and it may not be... but that is for him to decide. He needs to sit down and decide where he wants to be, and how to get there. To think realistically how long it will take and how much work it will take. To put pressures on himself that are not obtainable is not going to help.

He asks how "You have this awesome drive that makes you want to… no… HAVE to succeed"... I simply replied that he cannot compare himself to me, or anyone else. He needs to do his own thing in his own time. He needs to own his mistakes, AND his accomplishments. Furthermore, I have spent my life trying to be perfect, it's just another day to me, I can't not push..... ugh... whole different story.