The angel...

And I quote...
"I need someone right now and you have always been there for me (and everyone you have ever known. That is angelic, by the way)"

I hate when you wake up one day and realize your just a sound board. I would do anything to make it better for him. For anyone. I am not mother Theresa. I do this out of love for my friends. I do this because I want nothing more than for every single person I love to be happy. I do in return receive certain things...like unconditional love and friendship. But what if that is not being offered?

My good friend Matt is in the hospital right now. He just had cancer cut out of his face and although he was assured he would not lose his eye...it looks as though he may. This is someone who needs my help.

My best friends R and J are going through on of the hardest things in this life... a broken heart...and they think I may have something to contribute to their healing process.... I don't know if their right, but they need my help.

I have yet to regain my life. My confidence, my happiness. Things have gotten easier, but I still cry... all the time. I still sit and think and miss my life, my finance. I still have nightmares and wake up and reach my hand across the bed, only to realize he isn't there.

I can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. I can't help someone who only needs me when they are feeling down and out, but doesn't want anything to do with me any other time. I can't help someone who says they want to do certain things but clearly doesn't try ...AT ALL.... to accomplish these things. I think one of the main reasons I am so good at helping my friends is because I am a good friend. I am there. I don't always have the answers, but I am willing to be there to listen or just keep them company.

But that is not what he wants. He wants me to listen, but not be there for anything else. He wants me to be his sound board.He doesn't have much to say to me if there isn't something wrong with him... or if there is something wrong with me....

I don't know, maybe he is right. Maybe it is too hard. Maybe I shouldn't be in his life anymore. But then... I don't know. He is my best friend. I can't lose that.....