How many times do you break before you shatter?

James Blunt... a wise man... once said:
Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me
I am a dreamer and when I wake
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take
And as you move on, remember me
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry,
I've seen you smile
I've watched you sleeping for a while
I'd be the mother of your child
I'd spend a lifetime with you
I know your fears and you know mine
We've had our doubts but now we're fine
And I love you,
I swear that's true
I cannot live without you

A and I decided not to talk anymore. Not to share Dolce. Nothing. We did this is in an attempt to stop hurting eachother feelings. I'm not sure this is the effect it has had on me. I do feel that it has rapidly propelled me into the next stage of the healing process...
I have slowly pulled my way through each stage... some I spent more time in than others...
1. Denial
2.Anger
3.Bargaining
4. Depression : And here I am. standing outside the door... not planning to knock, but feeling as though someone is going to reach out and grab me and pull me in screaming. Like a ghost. I want to go in. I want to because I know there is life after this stage. I think that maybe I could start to feel again after this stage. I think that maybe my body will thaw out and the numbness in my throat where I keep myself from crying with suffice.

BECAUSE WHAT'S THE NEXT STEP?
Acceptance.

I feel kinda like Hugh Grant in the movie Notting Hill... in the winter...when he walks in a daze. Only not "quite" as attractive... close though. And then... like yesterday morning, I look out my shower curtain and I see my slippers sitting there... waiting for me, and I smile...

I just need 100 more smiles... and I'll make it out ok.
As not to worry my friends, but as my mothers secretary said to her the other day, " Oh my, how much more can that girl take, " and the answer is.... so much more... you have no idea.

Note: I feel my next smile will come directly from the fab new BCBG dress I am going to slip into Saturday afternoon!