I know I've said it before.

This is no longer acceptable... this is how I've felt all summer...and most the time how I looked.....>


My life has spiraled out of control. Now I need it back. I look back at how I spent my summer... literally, seriously, in bed. Crying. At a bar. Crying. I am disgusted. Really. I have lost sight of who I am. I haven't been to the gym, running, tanning. I ate absolutely nothing but SHIT...which is not me if you know me. I seriously stopped wearing makeup and doing my hair. I lived in jeans and a t shirt. I turned down everyboy who asked me on a date.

I seriously thought at points, I didn't need to take care of myself. I was some how insignificant to the world. Why? because I was no one now with out my someone? Was I no longer allowed to live? I was depressed, it is obvious. Anyone who said this to me was obviously berated. I don't have problems, I couldn't possibly be depressed...well, whatever. I admit it. I was. I am.

Things have got to change now though.I have to love myself more than I loved him. I have to get my ASS to the salon and put on a fing dress... for my DATE on Saturday. I may cough up blood on his food ( I am very sick) but I will look pretty...and hopefully feel pretty for this first time since April 26th.

I held on as long as I could. I slept for whole weekends... recently... I have to just stop. It HAS TO STOP.

I want to be happy again. I think it is finally through my little pea brain it is over... so.. I better be on my best behavior this weekend.. :) wish me luck.