And We are done....

So done.

As Kim says... no self pity today.

I say, no self pity ever again. I wish Adam just would have told me the truth at the start of this. I actually wish I didn't fall for Adam ten years ago. I wish I was never in this situation. I wish we never bought a condo, I wish we never talked about getting married. I wish I wasn't at my moms house right now having to put my unused wedding dress in storage.

I wish it had taken Adam longer than 2 months to start dating someone else. I wish he hadn't lied when I asked him about it.

I wish it had taken me less than four months to realize it is over.

But, I did. I do.

And we are moving on. Being broken hearted is kinda like having broken ribs. On the outside it looks like nothing is wrong, but every breath hurts.... my ribs have been broken for too long. It took me too long to care about myself enough to stop hoping, stop holding on, stop crying. I'm not kidding myself, I am not over it... but for the first time I want to be. I wanna feel like me again. I want to think about my needs and meet them. I want to stop crying into a glass of pinot grigio about my life ending... because really?? My life is just starting.

No, I don't know how to do it. I don't know how to make it stop hurting. I do however know I have many many amazing friends... all with advice. All willing to listen to me, and help me and understand me. I've spent four months trying to push that away, trying to act like I didn't need it. Sticking up for Adam and thinking... he'll come back. I am done doing that. I am ready to listen and learn. I am ready to learn about myself and remember how strong I am. I am ready to laugh because I want to, not because people are looking. I am ready to cry because I want to, not hide when my friends see I am hurting.

I am ready to start my life over. Start my life without Adam as a part of it. He is a memory... mostly a good memory. That is where he shall stay.